After giving him my oh-so-called love letter JUST READ, i was really so happy that I thought after he read my letter to him, our status will improve. We talked like I haven’t given him anything, but he really did what i told him in the letter. No thumbs up, saying goodbye before logging out and all. But, I thought we were going to be okay. well, I really thought wrong.
This is the only outlet I know I can express my feelings. And I cant even express how hurt I am. Haha. Weird isn’t it? Of course I wont let him read this one. Over my dead.. tiny body! Lol.
After week-long happiness, maybe he just realized that I’m really not good enough for him. In the last few days of our active conversation, he keeps on saying about someone special to him and i was kinda thinking it was me. But then again, I was wrong.
So wrong, I only blame myself for hurting like this.
I should’ve asked, but how? I’ve read through files about signs he’s into too, and its there. Can it be wrong? Did I read it the wrong way? Did I assume too much that we have a future? There are so many questions that’s been bugging me ever since he started to get cold. Is it me? Or it’s not really me he’s talking about? That it was his way of saying I was not the one? Is he telling me that in a very nice way that I won’t get hurt.
Well, it hurts.. it really hurts. Just by not talking to me. Not letting me know what’s the real score. He just stopped. Period. And now.. I’m not broken but I am really hurt. I said that whatever he decides, its fine with me. Just tell me where I stand. But all I did was assume.. And he didn’t let me know either.
Too bad he really didn’t care. I was just his weekend buddy who talks to him all night before he sleep. I intended to give my effort. but he won’t let me do it. He doesn’t want me to do it. Not me..
I’ve used diversion to just overcome the pain the previous one.. I guess I’ll have to refresh my list just to cope up again.
I only blame myself for this one..
As the song goes.. “Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice” though he didn’t fool me. Its just that, he already ignored me once.. I just let myself be ignored again the second time.
It’s really the assuming and the expecting part hurts me the most. So, I’ve failed the Life Lesson 101.. Never expect that you will be loved back..
So, see me posting emo, weird and suicidal post here. LOL. Just kidding. I’m a big girl now.. I can already take care of myself. I should not let anyone take care of my happiness, it’s my responsibility.
And as for the one who hurt me without knowing it, I already forgive you. You’ve been a great help though in times when I really needed someone to talk to. And I thank you. Very much.
PS.
For the ones who wants to read my previous post related to this pls see.. https://myhairclip.wordpress.com/2013/11/03/just-read/
Life is Good especially to those who see life positively.
tambay sa kanto 